I have always wanted to start a site. I wanted to talk about my life but I contemplated. Then I met Jay. Then I wanted to start a site for us. But I procrastinated. More than two years later, this is what I have now, a humble beginning. Just like any couples, we have been through many good and hard times together and this is one reason what this site is for: to put down our story in writing. So that this blog will witness our existence and hopefully we can flip through the archives one day and laugh at the silly things we did and be touched by Jay's heroic deed. Hi, I am Kay, we are boyfriends and this is the our story.
I'm Kay
Male. Smart and sentimental. 26yo. Enjoys movies (and porn) and reality shows. Sleeper. Uptight. Likes Robbie Williams. Has been to Singapore. Ogles at men. Just wants to be happy. Prefers to wear boxers. Selfless.
I'm Jay
Male. Sexy and studly. 29yo. Loves sushi and everything meat. Swimmer. Forgetful. Likes House music. Travels world over. Ogles at Kay. Want to be rich but not necessary famous. Likes not to wear underwear. Selfish.
Not too long ago a female co-worker of mine asked me whether I'm gay. I was flabbergasted. Asked why she thinks so and she said I'm a gentleman, always nice, never rude and never had a girlfriend. Never in my life have I been asked this question. The question. Without hesitation, I said no and jokingly laughed at her, though deep inside me I wished I could tell her. Knowing her character well I knew it won't be long for the entire office to know if I were to let her know the truth. As much as I want to shout out that I'm queer to someone, she's probably not the best candidate.
It's already suffocating to keep it all to myself and had to pretend to be someone else. I wised I could tell someone, a close friend, a relative, anyone, so that someone can hang out with Jay and I should we need someone to turn to.
While Ethan's mom was trying to fix her son up with another man, while already married Ed and Eddie were happy vacationing, while Kevin was telling how cute that caucasian guy was to his sister, I was thinking and came to realize that no one actually knows of our existense, our relationship, of Jay and I being together. So much of a secret well kept huh.
Updated: Luke from Georgia(in my GuestMap) thinks that I should come out at my workplace. Am I sure about doing this?
Comments:
My mom like to meet fortune teller, and she likes to fix it for me and my brother.
And onces when fortune teller said one day I will meet me with the good guy and this and that, plus she knew only the call to me were only from men, never women, she never expect anything much that I am just be good person and be happy with my own life.
i always have the same feeling. there's also a female co-worker in my work...she always telling how good she is with gay guys. she's nice and i'm sure if i confess that i'm gay noone else knows ; she also knows my boyfriend. But it's really hard to tell anyone after all these years in the closet. i read the gayblogs ;people publish their photos with their boyfriends we have tons of photos but...i am always troubled with that idea. the biggest step we took was put our real photos to our profile in OhLaLaGuys(ManJam)
my female workers know about me. my sister knows. my parents don't cos i know it will devastate them. but it's always good to have someone close to you that supports and to feel comfortable with.
i can relate to your situation somehow. None of my family member knows that i'm in this relationship for almost 4 years (only 2mo away: whoo hoo!!). Only two of my friends know about us. None of my peers or co-workers know about my sexual orientation. There are times that I feel very suffocating and much scared. Trying to maintain a relationship a secret is frustrating.
joel - I wished I could relate to your situation. What could be better than having a mom who really understands you?
casualali - Publishing our photos on the internet....I don't think we are there yet. So you guys are a step ahead of us already!
kinkypugkevin - '...to have someone close to you that supports and to feel comfortable with'. Jay is all I have.
kelphin - Congratulations on your 4th anniversary soon. Yeah, I guess there are still many like us out there, though there are also many who already took the courage to come out proud.
Again, as all the other posters, I know how you feel. I'm that step futher though. In my previous job I worked for one year together with my partner. Later when his mother died, I told my close co-workers in my office. Later I changed job and again 'went into the closet' at the start. But all these questions about relationships became really annoying when I couldn't tell the truth. So gradually when the question came about a girlfriend or someone asked it "my girlfriend did this or that", I replied that I had a boyfriend. But then again you really have to feel comfetable with yourself, your relationship and with your colleagues. One day you'll find the currage.
I sure many of us can relate. But here's the thing, are you out to your family?
If you're not ... perhaps its best to stay in the closet until you're ready. I'm assuming you live and work in Asia and to be honest, the community is 'small' and people talk.
Like you I had this happen to me and although I was already out to my family... I skirted around the issue without replying and kept berating myself for not "coming out" when the chance presented itself. Hence, my current policy. If you are out to your family then... if anyone asks point blank (like your co-worker did) then admit it freely.
emyln - True. I'll be ready when the time is right, but I don't see it anytime near. Perhaps fate can help. Not sure. I think most of us are sticking to the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy too.
I hate coming out. Coming out to my friends was tense but in the end, rewarding and liberating. Coming out to my family was similar. Then it seemed that there was always one or more persons I'd forgotten about or whom I hadn't spoken to since I came out to my family and friends. The first of these people I felt I had to go through the whole explanation of how I've always felt different, etc etc. Later I just got lazy and created a sort of coles notes version of being gay. I came out to my coworkers just before I married my partner, Steve back in June. The reaction was not surprise but rather happiness and the odd question about how we met, how we'd come to decide to marry, etc. This latest experience made me realize that EVERYONE ALREADY HAD PRETTY MUCH COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I WAS GAY AND I WASN'T REALLY FOOLING ANYONE. I will always feel a certain amount of shame for all the hours I've spent pretending to be staight in the past and all the ways I tried to shake people's suspiscions, but it was so not worth it.
I have since decided to assume that everyone already knows I'm gay and instead of feeling nervous and explaining, I will turn it around and act surprised that they thought I was straight. Let them feel embarrassed for a change!
So as long as you live somewhere in the world you can expect not to be stoned to death, beheaded or otherwise victimized for being gay, accept who you are and embrace it. (**NOTE: I'm going to save a copy of this post and look at it the next time I feel nervous about someone thinking I'm gay. Nervousness about being gay sucks. I've been trained by society to feel this way, but I'm trying to live it down.)
Mike G - I'm sure the biggest hurdle is coming out to our family. If our family can accept it then I think what others think is less important. If our friends and colleagues are glad and receptive to our coming out, then it's all good, otherwise it's their problem. I'm glad to know someone who is married. Hoping you and Steve the very best.