I have always wanted to start a site. I wanted to talk about my life but I contemplated. Then I met Jay. Then I wanted to start a site for us. But I procrastinated. More than two years later, this is what I have now, a humble beginning. Just like any couples, we have been through many good and hard times together and this is one reason what this site is for: to put down our story in writing. So that this blog will witness our existence and hopefully we can flip through the archives one day and laugh at the silly things we did and be touched by Jay's heroic deed. Hi, I am Kay, we are boyfriends and this is the our story.
I'm Kay
Male. Smart and sentimental. 26yo. Enjoys movies (and porn) and reality shows. Sleeper. Uptight. Likes Robbie Williams. Has been to Singapore. Ogles at men. Just wants to be happy. Prefers to wear boxers. Selfless.
I'm Jay
Male. Sexy and studly. 29yo. Loves sushi and everything meat. Swimmer. Forgetful. Likes House music. Travels world over. Ogles at Kay. Want to be rich but not necessary famous. Likes not to wear underwear. Selfish.
We all just want to read happy stories with a gay ending. We don't want to know the ugly side of the story. We don't want to know your problem. Alas, as much as I want our story to be coated with thick sugar icing, the truth is that beneath the icing the cake is made with a blend of soursop and bittergourd.
Airhead Jay misplaced some stuff I specially bought for him and until now the case of the missing stuff is not closed. It is nowhere to be found. More frustrating is he just gave up hope looking for it. This is the umpteenth time things are misplaced, recovered or not, that is another issue. No sign of regret too. Argh. I'm so afraid that one fine day he forgets about me, say, he leaves me in the shopping mall, totally forgetting about me until he reaches home and starts to fret. I so wanna **ck him so hard that he'll remember and appreciate things around him more. He takes life so easily and nonchalant and that is why I think I'll end up dying of high blood pressure first before him. Does the old method of tying a red ribbon on the index finger works? Perhaps in this gay case...we should use the pinkie instead?
I attended a relative's wedding dinner very recently and a few relatives came to me and asked my family and I if I were going to get married any soon. Heck, I don't even have a girlfriend. At my age now I should already be dating, many said. True. I'm dating Jay. Worse, I'm no longer 18 (must keep reminding myself that) and yours truly has come to realise that:
1.I need to start to worry (or think) about my future with Jay. I used to tell myself that the future will come so let's live the day first. Jay means everything to me and I can't even think of Kay without Jay. The fact that I have responsibilities to fulfil as a son and grandson is really puting me on high stress. Adding that to my work stress, I think I can end up suicidal. An article in the latest copy of local Men's Health says that those working in the repair services field has higher chances of going bazooka. I think I'm.
2.I need to plan (or at least consider) about coming out clean to my family. I can't believe I'm saying this! This is almost not possible in our community here. Never in my mind had I ever thought about telling them I'm homo. Can't we just lead a peaceful life in the closet?
Help me God.
Comments:
I can imagine all that. But the real comforting thought is that all of us are in the same shoe. Every gay man needs to find his place in the society as well as a decent family structure, and failing to do so means they'll go all stressed, berserk then suicidal. I'm sure you'll pull through this one, just like those who've done it before. Just take one thing at a time.
;)
# posted by Slutilla : 11:30 AM, November 07, 2005
Hey. Yea I haven't even thought about that yet. The truth is I wish I never have to tell them as well but i know the question will come up. It's only a matter of time.
But for right now I'm saved since I'm currently away studying so they don't know what going on in my day to day life.
ken - At least I'm not all alone in this dilemma. I guess the best thing to do now is to take things one step at a time.
jp - I still remember the good times during my college days. Away from home. No house rules, etc. Hoping that you and your boy are doing well.
aj - Sorry to hear that. I'm sure there are fond memories of your relationship that can still make you hold on to it. And when you do come out, let's celebrate.
# posted by jayandkay : 12:34 AM, November 09, 2005
hey.. I know how hard it would be to come out. I guess I'm not as much in trouble as u are just yet coz i'm still 20. My mom keeps telling me how she wants me to have a big wedding and see her grand children, I guess she would be depressed for the rest of her life when she learns the truth, not to mention that i come from a conservative family and the rejection i'm about to expect.. I hope I learn something from your experience. cheers, leo
# posted by Anonymous : 2:54 PM, November 09, 2005
Come out when u r financially stable and able to....this is best. Although I faced much opposition and rejection fr my family, I was already independent and could move on. And btw, parents do know or suspect...dats why they ask so much. I sometime think being honest to yr family members eventually is part of growing up as a gay man.
# posted by Anonymous : 4:38 PM, November 09, 2005
Coming out is not very difficult! Although it is easier said than done, the pleasure of being truthful to oneself and others is very important. I'm sure you are already financially independent, right? Be brave and face the world, and I did! and I am happy with it!
leo - How depressed would our folks be show how supportive they are to us. Coming from a conservative family myself too, I expect little support.
anonymous - We're happy for you. I wonder when would it be my time to be honest? Scary, just to think about it.
kitjar sukjaidee - I'm envious everytime I read about someone who has taken the big step to come out. I guess happiness is real only when one is truthful to himself.
# posted by jayandkay : 1:17 AM, November 11, 2005
Like you, I'm also envious when people come out to their parents and they feel free-er. I too would like to do it one day (hopefully soon) but it's such a ig step!
I'm glad you shared that story about Jay...sometimes reading your blog makes me feel that you two are too perfect. Thanks for keeping it real!
Well, mine was not a happy experience, I was asked to leave home, my mother was stressed and entered hospital and everyone blamed me for not "changing" and being a bad son after all my parents gave me. After all, I was the perfect son, straight As, not bad looking, successful...so why no marriage...but I had to be honest,its part of becoming a gay man, being truthful to yourself. I suspect u a bit young Kay to tell yr parents...
# posted by Anonymous : 2:15 PM, November 14, 2005
wingedman - If you see a relationship that's without argument then something is not right. I've always wanted our story to be sweet and loving but at times the truth needs to be told too. Anyhow, this blog is our logbook so might as well keep it real. Thanks for reminding!
Anonymous - Gosh, you are so much like me, maybe except I'm younger.
# posted by jayandkay : 12:19 AM, November 15, 2005
haha the perfect son as well.....good luck mate....another dee dee
# posted by Anonymous : 1:54 PM, November 16, 2005